It all began when my friend, Jason, and I were just a few weeks into our new school year, and we got into a huge fight.
I do not feel like telling you what I have done to him for us to have split up the way we have, but all I can say is that I lost my temper on him, and then, he fought back. After finger-pointing each other and being at each other's throats, we went our separate ways and have never spoken to each other for the past three months.
All those thoughts drove by in my mind as I was running past the driest sidewalks I could find in town on Christmas Eve. I had to run to the local thrift shop as fast as my feet could have carried me. Every time I walked about on a winter's day, no matter how dry or icy it was, I always watched out for any spots that looked glaringly shiny or murkily black.
Normally, I would have, but in this case, I had to keep myself from thinking about those. I was more preoccupied with finding the one gift that I meant to find for him.
During our summer vacation earlier, Jason and I did go out together to see a nice concert by famed singer LeAnn Rimes. We had the time of our lives together as we sang along with the rest of the crowd to her songs and hustled to get her autograph. But what sent the two of us and the rest of the crowd in a frenzy were autographed albums by LeAnn Rimes that was up for sale during that concert. We tried to get it, but we had no such luck, for the last one was given away to another hardcore fan who loved LeAnn Rimes as much as we did.
So, imagine how over the moon I felt when I walked by in the thrift store once upon a time and noticed the same copy of LeAnn Rimes's autographed album for sale. From what I recalled of the conversations my friends from school had with me, they noticed Jason acknowledging the album during his latest visit to the thrift store. He meant to get his hands on it as soon as he could have, but his obligations with homework and extracurricular activities at school kept him from going through with it.
I do not know whether or not this would have been enough to tell Jason how sorry I am for what we went through earlier in the school year, but I have to at least do something. If Jason couldn’t have picked this album up, maybe I could have for him.
So, after crossing the street and reaching the thrift store late in the afternoon, I started over at the CD aisle, with its many CDs in generally decent condition, while some came without any covers. Bafflingly, a couple of them had a cover but no CDs, which, to me, doesn't make a lick of sense. Why give only the cover when there's no CD inside? The CDs may have been no less than 99¢, but CD cases like these alone feel like they’re worth less.
Anyway, while I did see some of those as I usually expected to upon my visits to the thrift store, I paid close attention to the sides of the CDs so I can see which album was the autographed LeAnn Rimes album that caught my and Jason’s eye earlier this month. I kept looking and looking, skimming and skimming, but an aching grip started to take hold inside of me as I resisted the looming, sprouting possibility that my search for the name and album could’ve been in vain. I did another check-through on the CDs to make sure that I was not missing anything.
Still nothing there.
Thinking that maybe it could have been snuck in among some of the other aisles, I spent the next minute or two quickly looking throughout some of its neighboring aisles, including the DVD aisles and the dishware aisle, hoping more than ever that someone may have misplaced that album. However, I still found nothing that looked out of place in either aisle. Each designated item was secured in their aisles as they were supposed to be.
After trying, I knew it was close to closing time, so I ran over to the front desk and see if there would have been any ghost of a chance of me snagging that album or if it’d be snuffed out.
“Excuse me?” I asked.
“Yes?” The clerk responded as he turned his head around.
“Tell me if you know this. I noticed an autographed album from LeAnn Rimes earlier this month. You know, the album that was released from her latest concert earlier this year? Do you happen to still have it on you?” As soon as I mentioned that to him, his face crinkled and turned as if to give me a hint of uncertainty from his end.
Then it slowly turned into a look of remorse.
“I’m very sorry”, he told me. “I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but someone else came in here around a week ago with the same idea and already got their hands on that album.”
It was just as I feared. Hearing his remark about the whereabouts of the album left me in the dark. My one chance to try to make up to Jason, and here it was, all gone in a snap. With my one chance to make it up to him gone, so too were my chances of being his friend again.
My parents, brother, and I hung out at our house as we engaged in our frivolous phases of opening presents and getting comfortable in each other's company, especially over holiday films. But ever since I ran a dead end in finding that one gift for Jason, I just could not see the reason to be in the right mood. I wanted to get in the right mood and celebrate Christmas with them, but I still could not have shaken away the remorse and guilt I felt that no coal in the stocking would have reminded me of. Come to think of it, I haven't even thought about what else to do to make amends with my friend after blowing up in his face earlier this year, or this past September.
I guess all I've been thinking about was trying to buy something to make him feel better. But I didn't even think to simply talk to him again. I thought that perhaps nothing could have mended what happened between us, even if it required simply talking to him. I guess there was only one thing I could’ve done to set things right, even if I understood this would’ve been for nothing, too. If so, so be it.
Later in the afternoon, while my parents and brother were still busy with their own activities, I figured that I’d sneak off. This felt like as good an opportunity as any to get in my galoshes, coat, and beanie hat and quietly sneak outside so I could talk to him. It had just snowed this morning, for we had been welcomed with a fresh new blanket of snow just in time for Christmas Day. That was one of the things I experienced this Christmas outside of my family activities that kept me from sinking into glumness. It was a very pretty day, too, so I can only imagine how everyone must feel about experiencing a white Christmas on a sunny day.
Jason lived a couple blocks away from us. Once I was outside, I trudged as carefully as I could have through the fresh blanket of snow. It was very quiet. I heard nothing but a bird or two enjoying the festivities their own way with possibly a veiled instance of laughter and excitement erupting from within another house in the distance.
It only took me about fifteen minutes before I crossed the street and found Jason's house. The closer I stepped towards his front door, the more crooked I felt inside. My stomach was turning into knots. My heart was creeping closer to my throat, and the sweats developing upon my brow started washing away the cold that I felt throughout the walk to this house. Throughout the walk here, mustering my guts and instincts, I clenched my right fist, rose it up, and slowly knocked a few times on the door. A moment passed by. Silence.
I didn't want to back out on this chance, so I raised my hand to knock again. However, before my knuckles could have landed on the door, the door flung open away from me. Standing there to greet me was Jason's father.
“Why, Celia, Merry Christmas”, he shouted.
“Merry Christmas to you, too,” was all I could say, but I had this to tell him next.
“Is Jason home with you?”
“Sure. I'll grab him for you”, he responded. “Would you like to come in and make yourself comfortable?”
I did not feel comfortable intruding on their family fun time, so I shook my head.
“Jason, you have a visitor,” I heard him shout in the house.
A moment later, there he was, standing right in front of me. I noticed a slight dumbstruck expression on his face. And as he was about to enter a nervous phase, I heard him say…
“Hello, Celia. Merry Christmas.”
It's now or never. I would rather have not gone through another Christmas than to skimp on my chance to set things right with him somehow.
“I wanted to apologize to you. I thought about what we did, and I just couldn't bear the thought of losing you. I also want to apologize for not getting you that gift. I know you and your family were busy with other things, and I remember being told about how you wanted the album, so I tried to get it for you.”
But then, I felt his hand upon my shoulder. He looked me warmly in the eyes, and he said to me, “Mom and Dad told me everything.” The next thing I knew, I felt his arms crawl around me as my body lunged close to his. At that moment, I felt my arms slowly crawl around him in return. I don't know if it was from him or just from what I discovered upon this reunion, but I felt a tremendous warmth coursing throughout me that only cleansed me of whatever anxiety I held on to me ever since this past September.
What was I thinking? I guess I should've spoken with him sooner rather than later.
“Merry Christmas, Jason”, I noticed myself whispering into his ear.
Well, I suppose it's the thought that counts.
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